What will people think of me? — Dajana Official
Uppdaterad: aug 30
Oh… Something is missing! I can’t put my finger on what it is?
The sound’s not there… yet… Maybe if I tweak a little tune here, rewrite the lyric there, maybe then it will be finished?
...Maybe then it will be good enough?
So, I've been creating music alone in the dark for almost 15 years, scared of releasing my material and what people would think of me - and my music. I probably had at least 10-15 albums on my hard-drive that all went to ”waist” 3 months ago when I dropped that little bastard on the floor!
In 1 second, 15 years of songs, lyrics, instrumentals, beats were just "poof" — gone! You should have seen the look on my face. . . ^^
If you’ve found this page you probably already know I’m a singer-songwriter, music producer. However, you might not know I'm an addict.
Being sober 1 year - a journey through my fears.
This Saturday I’m celebrating 1 year as sober by releasing my new music project – a vlog called #TWLV which I’m very excited about. It’s basically a journey where I’m meeting my fears, while sharing my creative process to challenge myself to create 12 songs, in 12 months. Hopefully I will be able to finish these songs, to let go and to move on.
Here’s a little background story.
About a year ago I stumbled into my first 12 step meeting after a long and hard relapse with drugs and alcohol. Again! I was broken down in pieces because I’ve tried to quit for years, but always ended up using again and destroying my life!
I’d come to the point in my life where I couldn’t feel anything anymore, I had become numb. But that day I cried during the whole meeting and had to rush out of the room - because I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown every third minute. I was so scared.
"But it was something about that room though that made me stay"
People from every corner of the world, with different backgrounds, had the same problems as me. When you start drinking, or in my case, smoking weed – you just can't stop. It's a fact, some people can handle it, but some just can’t, and I'm one of those people. My life was falling apart because of it! I know it sounds stupid... maybe, but it did.
"All my dreams flew out of the window"
I was broke, had lost my job, my girlfriend and my dog just died! Life was shitty, I was depressed and felt lonely and didn’t see a way out!
"The people in that meeting had somehow managed to change their lives"
Many of them, who had been in a much worse condition than I was in, was now feeling happy and seemed so at peace with their life, that I just had to come back to check out what the deal was! After that very first meeting, I left them feeling uplifted and for the first time in years, I felt hope. And I didn’t feel alone!
That was August 15th 2019. And today one year later, I feel like I see the world in a new light and like... I’m a whole new person. Or actually, I’m more like the person I always knew I was inside, and the person I wanted to be. Because now, I try my best every day. I wake up in the morning feeling excited.
I wake up in the morning feeling excited!
I’m thankful for every moment and I appreciate what I have and work hard towards what I want. I feel like I’ve gotten my life back. I’ve spent so many years busy creating my own problems and standing in my own way of creating the life I wanted. Today, I don’t want to waste a single minute. I’m ready to start living here and now.
New challenges and goals!
One of my biggest dreams has always been to be able to make a living out of music, which I actually did sometimes when I was using drugs too, but I never really made it because I always carried around a feeling of not ever being good enough. I handled that by drinking and smoking weed.
Now when I’m sober I can start focusing on working with myself to create the life I picture for myself. #TWLV is an experiment where I am going to try to work with my anxiety and obsession over everything needing to be perfect all the time. I am going to create 12 songs, in 12 months to have a structure to work after and a clear vision and goal. And I want to share my journey because I think there are a lot of us out there, and maybe we can support each other. I don’t know if it’s going to work at all, but it’s worth a try, right?
It’s going to be a bumpy ride but I’m up for the challenge. The episodes or songs aren’t recorded yet and everything will happen ”live” and I’m already feeling pressured ;)
It hurts in every inch of my body, and you know what, I love to be able to feel that!