New video up :)
Uppdaterad: feb 8
The other day I found this tune who died along with my crashed hard drive..and I was listening to the lyrics and it was like a walk down the memory lane of how I used to be. Both towards myself and others.
For long I've been living a destructive life. I always found a way to make my life harder for myself. Either it was falling in love with people who didn't love me back or it was not appreciating someone who actually loved me. Instead I took them for granted. And if someone appreciated my music or wanted to work with me, I made sure it didn't happened. I wasn't open to love or be loved. Because I didn't know what love was and I didn't loved myself and treated everyone else the way I felt inside.
How's it going?
So, I'm in the middle of my process creating the first of 12 songs for my #TwlvChallenge and Im already feeling pressured! In only 15 days I am going to release the first song...and I have started about 5 different songs, but none of them are good enough...! My girlfriend thinks I'm psychotic, which I am, because I spend every waken hour on working. #workaholic
Im also being totally overambitious with everything I do right now and It is going to get me burnt out if I don't stop.
Last week I went out to create some easy and simple content for Social Media.
I really, really just wanted some videos and photos for my Instagram. But what I ended up with something that looks likesome kind of music video?
Well I recognize this behavior. This is what always happen when I try to finish and release stuff. Im being overambitious and I try to control everything, so it can be perfect. Because deep down I think I just want to be appreciated and loved. Who doesn't of course, but to the cost of your health and maybe relationships?
So, this is what I am working on the most right now. To let go, to say it is okay that this is my best and if I'm happy that is fine by me. Not everyone has to love me or love the things I do. And somethings are great but most things are good, good enough! Im also observing what happens inside of me when I release things..Right now I feel like I'm going to freak out ..
But I´ve decided to do this now. To not chicken out, to become friends with emotions that makes me wanna flee. Emotions that I always acted on before using drugs or alcohol I'm now meditating away. Right now it is a struggle. But I look at it with curiosity..It hurts, but it hurts good.
Treat Me Good
Before I treated myself bad, with destructive relationships both towards myself and others. Today, I strive towards what's best for me. And the biggest difference today is that even tho I fall into old patterns and I'm scared as hell, I want to treat myself good! And I do that by also surrounding myself with positive and supporting people. Like my cousin and my girlfriend for instance. Thank you both for supporting me even tho I'm a bit 2 much at times ❤️
Anyways ..tomorrow I will post an overambitious video. It was ment to be a 30 seconds video of me banging on my mashine mk3 micro..But like I said..I got carried away…
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